tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67274927412713773072024-03-13T14:06:34.230-07:00The Empty Solsticethese confessions are of a life that was never really mine. Pro-ana blog, indefinitely.Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.comBlogger89125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-61474926314545823412012-09-18T10:48:00.004-07:002012-09-18T10:48:37.092-07:00Echoes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-J2cX8CXepSI/UFixSC8weiI/AAAAAAAAATc/AWnhrMWFYVE/s1600/86553624058646133_l1PRb8Wc_c_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-J2cX8CXepSI/UFixSC8weiI/AAAAAAAAATc/AWnhrMWFYVE/s320/86553624058646133_l1PRb8Wc_c_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7KaPLq7nrRk/UFixUNP-jgI/AAAAAAAAATk/Be1dMjFH1oI/s1600/310470_309835909123998_1961536153_n_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7KaPLq7nrRk/UFixUNP-jgI/AAAAAAAAATk/Be1dMjFH1oI/s320/310470_309835909123998_1961536153_n_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">111.3</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Once, there was a girl who had no idea what she was doing...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That girl is definitely me.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The past nine months have been insane, to say the least...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">College looms ever closer, and I can't help but feel excited and thrilled by the idea of change. Pretty soon here, my entire life is going to be different.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And I can't wait.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">However, one little problem:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I refuse to stay at this nasty weight.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So, once again, 96 pounds is in my sights...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I will do it, no problem.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Through the headaches, the hunger; it's all for a reason.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have dreams, you see.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Dreams of glamour, dreams of class.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Thinner, thinner.</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Richer, richer.</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Constant echoes in my mind, repetitive and intoxicating...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It won't take much, it'll take everything.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have a boyfriend now.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Whatever.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Also: I'm fat.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Well, not for long.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Intake:</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>2 eggs</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>2 pieces american cheese</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>1 small sausage patty</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>1 coke zero</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>3 slices turkey breast</i></span></div>
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Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-68039412839651179032011-12-01T12:13:00.000-08:002011-12-01T12:13:17.049-08:00Interlude<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hvwqHSNWUto/TtffrIAlmRI/AAAAAAAAARc/MyxM418DO3g/s640/FotoFlexer_Photo.jpg" width="564" /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;">Nothing to see here.</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-15591762294026728902011-11-30T05:52:00.000-08:002011-11-30T05:52:43.318-08:00Excite<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6CEts5huNdE/TtY1GkHAqlI/AAAAAAAAARU/YrX1Ql8MJlQ/s1600/tumblr_lq74l9s1E11qf4otmo1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6CEts5huNdE/TtY1GkHAqlI/AAAAAAAAARU/YrX1Ql8MJlQ/s400/tumblr_lq74l9s1E11qf4otmo1_500_large.jpg" width="281" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;">96.9</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">My lowest weight ever, by far.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm not entirely certain how to feel.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Yesterday was my birthday- I twiddled my hours away, flitting from store to store, trying on item of clothing after item of clothing...</div><div style="text-align: center;">and always, always pleased.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Nothing pinched, nothing pulled.<br />
Everything cascaded, and caressed, in ways I'd only ever dreamed of; or drooled after on thinspo blogs.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Everything looked great- and if it didn't, it was because the shirt was too baggy, or the jeans too loose.</div><div style="text-align: center;">A very heady feeling...</div><div style="text-align: center;">I do quite believe I could get lost in it.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm not quite where I want to be yet, but god damn it I'm close.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Closer than I've ever been.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ninety two is the magic number.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Because, you see, I don't want to be average.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't even want to be on the lower end of normal.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'll say what I've said a million times over, I want thin.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I want the prestige...</div><div style="text-align: center;">Because lovelies, it's true what they say.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Thin is a skill; a practice you must hone with each passing day, until it is second nature to you.</div><div style="text-align: center;">You must breathe thin, like it needs you.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">This is what I want.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">The boyfriend gave me presents yesterday- I was ecstatic.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Four pairs of jeans, and a pair of shorts plus two tops; all from Hollister.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I about died.</div><div style="text-align: center;">At first I eyed the articles of clothing with trepidation, remembering all too well the days after days spent in dressing rooms with my mother- near tears because nothing would fit me, and the mirror displayed all too well the disgusting fat rolls all over my body.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Suffice to say, those incidences have left me just a little jaded in regards to the whole "clothes" agenda.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I stare at the blue denim fabric, ogling each curve- and lack thereof.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Slowly, my heart beating, I grab the jeans- the little tag reads 24.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Quick mental math.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Size zero.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I'm holding a size zero from Hollister.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i> </i>At this point, I'm sort of freaking out; anticipating the conversation where I tell my boyfriend, "Oh hey, thanks for the gifts and all, but you see, there's this little thing where I'm too fat for all the clothes you got me..." Each second my sense of dread increases.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Until I decide, <i>fuck it.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">Two minutes later, I'm staring into the mirror in disbelief.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>They fit perfectly.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">Each leg went in without a moment's hesitation, and the button felt like it belonged right around my waist; in fact, a little loose.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i> </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I could get lost in this.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>~</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i> </i></div><div style="text-align: center;">People at school are noticing- two of my teachers remarked that I was "too skinny".<br />
However, at four foot eleven, I hardly find this is the case; it's most likely a mixture of my very strong Polish genes (my mother's full blooded, I'm first generation off the boat) lending me a very angular face. And hey, I'm okay with this.</div><div style="text-align: center;">What's the point of being thin when no one can tell?</div><div style="text-align: center;">My biggest problem areas are my stomach and thighs, but slowly, day by day I can feel my thighs getting smaller and smaller.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I know I'm not genetically predisposed to a thigh gap, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to have the closest thing to it.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Another small victory today:</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm officially in the 18 BMI range. Eighteen point nine, to be exact.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Which is freaking crazy.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I took my measurements two days ago- perhaps I'll post them later</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Just four pounds to go... That's all I have.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Then begins my "Reintroduction Phase" (should be tons of fun). </div><div style="text-align: center;">I chose ninety two, because I feel like that's where I'll see the most difference.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I want to be glamorously thin.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~</div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;">I haven't been updating my intake lately, for a number of reasons.</div><div style="text-align: center;">One, I've been very low spirits- very tired, very sad.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't know if sad is the right word.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And also, other than that, I probably would find the energy to at least blog what I ate;</div><div style="text-align: center;">but you see, the thing is I <i>haven't.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">At least, not for the past eleven days.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And I really couldn't give a fuck.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-71257158285865943172011-11-29T09:17:00.001-08:002011-11-29T09:17:57.639-08:00Expected<div style="text-align: center;">97.8</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't know what else to say.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I just want to be thinner.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today's my birthday...</div><div style="text-align: center;">and I'm not entirely certain I care.</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-11585432071287667942011-11-25T19:05:00.000-08:002011-11-25T19:05:47.722-08:00Retribution<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv8aqgvvBB1qktqeco1_400.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv8aqgvvBB1qktqeco1_400.png" width="265" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;">100.4</div><div style="text-align: center;">I haven't eaten in six days.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And I don't particularly give a fuck.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've dyed my hair, tanned my skin, lost 35ish pounds-</div><div style="text-align: center;">and now everyone acts differently towards me.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm stared at.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Guys check me out, when they think I'm not looking.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Oh, but I know.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Haven't blogged in a couple days-I've been away from the computer.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Off doing greater things of more (temporary) importance, like running lap upon lap upon lap in an effort to lose just a little more weight the next day.<br />
Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">A hundred point four.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Bleach blonde hair, with brown skin.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Painted nails, a belly button ring.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Throw in a iced skinny starbucks coffee and you have the image I've been striving for, for about four years.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've been working hard- and now, I've finally done it.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm about 5 lbs away from where I finally want to be.</div><div style="text-align: center;">So, this is essentially crunch time.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">God, I love my life.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-52279652941660247702011-11-22T15:35:00.000-08:002011-11-22T15:35:14.864-08:00Strange<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-65VOgvgLqRs/TswxknxfUUI/AAAAAAAAARM/cot5w4ijJ8Q/s1600/asf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-65VOgvgLqRs/TswxknxfUUI/AAAAAAAAARM/cot5w4ijJ8Q/s400/asf.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today was a very weird day.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It started, with me once again not eating- I'd allotted myself egg whites for breakfast, but, lo and behold, my lazy ass didn't have enough time to actually cook anything.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Thus sets the scene of my day, leaving the house hassled, hair barely straightened, make up everything but smudged on- just done up enough to be approachable in common society.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Then lunch time rolls around.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I was walking down the hall, when suddenly my thoughtful countenance was assaulted by some sounds coming from somewhere in the same hallway.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Hey cutie!"</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">A lower classman calls at me; I scoff outright.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I say right back, "Too young."</div><div style="text-align: center;">And walk right off towards the track.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It was my lunch, after all- I mean, what else would I be doing? <i>Eating?</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">Ha, good one.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">After I finished my two miles, I get cat called walking to my next class.</div><div style="text-align: center;">At this point, I'm thinking what the fuck.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Fast forward to later that day, after school.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I went to a restaurant with my friend, and after inquiring to speak to the manager about the food ingredients in one of the recipes (my friend is on a low carb diet, gotta help her out every once in awhile), right before he walks off he says, "I was sort of hoping you were going to ask if we have any server spots for hire right now, because you are very gorgeous and we could use someone like you."</div><div style="text-align: center;">What. The. Fuck.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Oh, but I'm not done.</div><div style="text-align: center;">On the way home, besides getting honked at twice, a twenty year old guy slows down while making a turn, and stares straight at me and smiles. Then, he pulls around again in front of me, calling out; "Hey girly, are you single?" Seems harmless enough, you know.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>But wait</b>, did I mention he's driving a minivan, and missing teeth?</div><div style="text-align: center;">"No, I'm taken, sorry," I call back out.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>As if.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">It's going to take a lot more than calling at me from a moving vehicle to get me, and especially not a minivan.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ugh.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">The point of all this is, this has<i> just started occurring</i>, now that I hit the 102 lb area.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Nobody, and I repeat, <i>nobody</i> did any such thing towards me or about me when I was thirty pounds heavier.</div><div style="text-align: center;">People are noticing.</div><div style="text-align: center;">But more importantly, so am I.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Just goes to show though, that nobody likes the fat girl...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't regret weight loss for a moment.</div><div style="text-align: center;">All I had to do was believe in myself.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Intake:</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Nothing</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Outtake:</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">walk five miles (270 calories)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-2818079831337754772011-11-22T05:13:00.000-08:002011-11-22T05:13:11.042-08:00Grandeur<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">102.8</div><div style="text-align: center;">Still losing, but not as much as I'd have liked to...</div><div style="text-align: center;">Perhaps I'm greedy.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today I apply for a waitressing job;</div><div style="text-align: center;">because everyone knows that a girl needs a little spending money (;</div><div style="text-align: center;">Life's rather dull without it, I say.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today I want to burn as many calories as possible;</div><div style="text-align: center;">meaning, as many as my laziness will allow...</div><div style="text-align: center;">:p</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">But it's much easier to exercise, when you know you will see immediate results the very next day;</div><div style="text-align: center;">it makes the sweat just that much more meaningful, just that much greater of a triumph.</div><div style="text-align: center;">But what am I sitting here doing, talking about sweating- the most exercise I get is by walking.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Albeit, I walk far, but I don't do anything particularly strenuous-</div><div style="text-align: center;">For some reason, I really don't feel like going into cardiac arrest.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">One oh two point eight.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ugh.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's really the "point eight" that kills me...</div><div style="text-align: center;">But hey, slow and steady <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">wins the race</span> stays fat longer.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I haven't eaten anything in awhile, and in all honesty, I don't particularly care to.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Now dearies, I must say, I acknowledge this is unhealthy- I would never condone fasting.</div><div style="text-align: center;">However, this is a blog about my weight loss journey; and I'm willing to do <i>whatever it takes</i>.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Let it be known, I won't live like this forever.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Eventually, I'll be upping my intake to maintenance levels....</div><div style="text-align: center;">...Eventually.</div><div style="text-align: center;">As soon as I'm pleased with my current weight.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Which, currently judging, should be about eight pounds from now.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's all about pushing yourself, farther than you ever thought you could go.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-23513058769235846042011-11-21T18:06:00.000-08:002011-11-21T18:06:59.964-08:00Lower<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VIcz39FuB9g/TssDuW1-fNI/AAAAAAAAARE/EXw-5gu7jt0/s1600/aaaa.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="321" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VIcz39FuB9g/TssDuW1-fNI/AAAAAAAAARE/EXw-5gu7jt0/s400/aaaa.png" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: center;">I haven't eaten anything today.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't desire to.</div><div style="text-align: center;">What I do desire, however, is thin.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I want it.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I need it like I need air.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today brought with it two compliments, of the unforeseen variety:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Aniela, what the hell happened? You look like your two pounds!"</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">An inward smile, and a contented sigh.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"...Wow, Aniela- you really do look like you lost a lot of weight."</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">A cheeky thought crosses my mind-</div><div style="text-align: center;">You think I look good right now? Oh, just wait...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~<br />
<br />
The greatest thing I long for, I think, is the skinny mindset.<br />
I want to live it, think it, breathe it, feel it.<br />
Sure, not eating is all well and good- it'll get you where you want to be-<br />
but it doesn't require that much will power to just say <i>no.</i><br />
No, what actually takes the most will power, is allowing yourself to eat-<br />
but not to over indulge in the everyday caloric norm that is contributing to larger waist<br />
lines all across the world.<br />
It's about saying, <i>no</i>.<br />
Fuck this.<br />
I'm done.<br />
<i>I will be different.</i><br />
And then, doing it.<br />
Because that's where the true power comes out.<br />
<br />
~<br />
<br />
My life is quite literally perfect right now; and I couldn't ask for anymore.<br />
...Other than to perhaps weigh a little less. (;<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Intake:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Nothing, same as yesterday</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Outtake:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">3 miles walking</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-13487185884669135082011-11-21T06:20:00.000-08:002011-11-21T06:20:11.737-08:00Reveal<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zj08__OBcms/Tspc4PMz2ZI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/ls1HV95foF4/s1600/zzzzzz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="390" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zj08__OBcms/Tspc4PMz2ZI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/ls1HV95foF4/s400/zzzzzz.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">103.2</div><div style="text-align: center;">The picture is me, this morning.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm in a library, because I like to pretend I'm educated while I fuck around and take pictures of myself.</div><div style="text-align: center;">(;</div><div style="text-align: center;">You know me, dearies...</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'd wanted to eat some egg whites this morning, however I didn't eat them, even though I planned it.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I guess "want" is the wrong term.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It was a mixture of things that contributed to my lack of food consumption on this fine morning, with each culprit no more to blame than the other...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I didn't have time</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I wasn't hungry</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">I find the more I plan food, the more I resist it.</div><div style="text-align: center;">So, I just let it happen- go with a feeling.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's a really crazy notion to me, that tomorrow I'm waking up in the 102's.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Flipping insane.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I probably should eat something later today... </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Well, who knows?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">xx</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-2358985261386043652011-11-20T14:37:00.000-08:002011-11-20T14:37:44.846-08:00Divine<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zNUcoq_EyRA/TsmBMXPIdWI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/af1oUzFBVAE/s1600/fourth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zNUcoq_EyRA/TsmBMXPIdWI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/af1oUzFBVAE/s400/fourth.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today, in celebration of reaching my lowest weight in three years, I got a belly button ring.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's so fucking adorable, and I feel so proud of myself.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've come so far, done so much...</div><div style="text-align: center;">And it all pays off.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I really am so happy.</div><div style="text-align: center;">...And thirsty.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Very thirsty.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Also, in celebration of getting my belly button pierced, I'm not eating.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And in celebration of <i>that, </i>my weight will just be that much thinner tomorrow. </div><div style="text-align: center;">(;</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">It feels amazing.</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-1770030941788067232011-11-20T08:29:00.000-08:002011-11-20T08:29:49.919-08:00Liberation<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MFMdqbJZZ-c/TskpN7Kmh8I/AAAAAAAAAQk/z3pTuphJ2G0/s1600/first.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MFMdqbJZZ-c/TskpN7Kmh8I/AAAAAAAAAQk/z3pTuphJ2G0/s400/first.jpg" width="265" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">104.0</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Every pound I lose now, just brings me lower and lower- each day, I'm creating new lowest weights.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And it feel fucking incredible.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've been low-carbing and restricting massively recently, but hey- </div><div style="text-align: center;">if you want to look extreme, you must be extreme.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I think I'm going to post new body pics at 100...</div><div style="text-align: center;">Which shouldn't be too far now (;</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Yesterday's intake consisted of three slices of rare ahi tuna, and 1/4 cup egg whites.</div><div style="text-align: center;">A beautiful, dainty amount.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Let one thing be known- I'm not going to eat like this forever.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Just until I get where I want to be.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'll repeat, where I <i>want </i>to be.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Which is all up to me.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Because hey, when faced with the options of being pretty or prettier... </div><div style="text-align: center;">Hell, which would you choose?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today looks like it's going to be a lovely day...</div><div style="text-align: center;">I think I may go out, just to enjoy the sunshine.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Dearies, make sure you're keeping your ultimate goal in mind.</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-24181975807690647102011-11-19T10:55:00.000-08:002011-11-19T10:55:23.176-08:00Breadth<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luvu70MPfD1r41dl1o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luvu70MPfD1r41dl1o1_500.jpg" width="363" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">105.0</div><div style="text-align: center;">Six pounds away from my lowest weight ever.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And it feels fucking amazing.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Debating having some tea, thinking about the future...</div><div style="text-align: center;">The boyfriend is in love with my body.<br />
He keeps caressing my more visible bones, grabbing my hips...</div><div style="text-align: center;">Tracing my arms with his fingers...</div><div style="text-align: center;">Even he's amazed.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">And hell, well, so am I.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today's going swimmingly- spent the morning at the mall.</div><div style="text-align: center;">At Forever 21, I decided (on impulse) to grab cute shorts to try on; </div><div style="text-align: center;">I checked the size - 24.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Now, in the past, I have always worn a 27 at Forever 21- sometimes a 26.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today, those 24s fit perfectly. </div><div style="text-align: center;">It was a fucking head rush.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I asked the clerk, "What size does the 24 translate to?"</div><div style="text-align: center;">She responds, "Zero."</div><div style="text-align: center;">Cue me almost shitting myself.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Sorry for being awol for awhile, I had a bit of a hiccup- </div><div style="text-align: center;">I catapulted to113 in three days; which is not good at all.</div><div style="text-align: center;">But, I lost 8 pounds in the four days after (; </div><div style="text-align: center;">So it's all good.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I hope you all are having lovely days.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">xx</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-69341808642941649222011-11-10T04:46:00.000-08:002011-11-10T04:46:36.178-08:00Redress<div style="text-align: center;"><i>Yesterday's Post</i><br />
<br />
104.9</div><div style="text-align: center;">Not as impressive as I'd like, not by any means.</div><div style="text-align: center;">But hey, these days I'll take what I can get.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm going to start exercising a little more, in an effort to speed up weight loss/keep up with my five pound a week goal. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I woke up this morning, feeling really damn good- I wonder if the multivitamin I took yesterday is to blame? I felt well-rested, calm, collected and energized.</div><div style="text-align: center;">This entire weight loss has been a quasi-spiritual experience...</div><div style="text-align: center;">I just have to check myself, and not get too down when I don't see a two pound weight loss in one day (like I have before, haha). </div><div style="text-align: center;">I've come so far, I just need to make sure I'm not too hard on myself.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Emphasis being <i>too </i>hard.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I still plan on kicking my own ass.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">'Tis just how it's done.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm upping my intake a little more today, considering I've had less than fifty calories total for the past two days... That's all well and good for a little while, but I have to make sure my metabolism doesn't fall too much. Today I've enjoyed a much heartier feast, with a total of about 150 calories.<br />
<br />
~<br />
<i>Morning Edit</i><br />
Last night, in an effort to clear up my stomach, I did the saltwater flush-<br />
which pretty much involves chugging four cups of saltwater and then waiting to shit your brains out.<br />
Every other time I've done it, there've never been any complications.<br />
Well, not this time.<br />
For some reason, I <i>still can't use the bathroom.</i><br />
Which means I have four cups of saltwater (32 floz/2 lbs) water weight, just chilling in my intestines.<br />
Not fun, at all.<br />
Especially when I (daringly) stepped on the scale this morning and saw 106.<br />
Upon seeing 106, my eyes just glazed over.<br />
I thought to myself, <i>fuck this.</i><br />
Now my lower intestines are bloated, and I can't check my weight loss.<br />
Ugh. Whatever.<br />
This is what I get for trying not to take laxies.<br />
<br />
Today's a lighter calorie day, in an effort to drop some more weight (obviously).<br />
<br />
</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-29441923582626116912011-11-08T04:26:00.000-08:002011-11-08T04:26:05.662-08:00Belligerent<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KREYjSm1SHw/TrkfsVPuwYI/AAAAAAAAAQU/pBEJVtF7WVo/s1600/tumblr_lubeefyaKi1qa69xoo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KREYjSm1SHw/TrkfsVPuwYI/AAAAAAAAAQU/pBEJVtF7WVo/s400/tumblr_lubeefyaKi1qa69xoo1_500.jpg" width="298" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">105.2</div><div style="text-align: center;">Lost a decent amount.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Not too good, but definitely not bad by any means.</div><div style="text-align: center;">A pleasant state of mediocrity.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I woke up this morning, and felt drunk.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I have no idea why.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It was worse than yesterday- I was actually acting tipsy.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Now, I have no clue as to why this might be happening...</div><div style="text-align: center;">So I said fuck it, toughed it out, and took a multivitamin.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Now I feel much better, thank god.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Can't exactly come to school acting like I'd just downed half a tequila bottle.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Well, I guess I <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">could...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;">:p</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Even my morning routine has changed because of my weight loss.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Before, I'd spend a good thirty to forty minutes rummaging through my drawers, looking for clothes <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: line-through;">I actually fit</span> that wouldn't make me look like a beluga whale during mating season.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And in the process, I'd look through all my pretty shirts that I wanted to wear- </div><div style="text-align: center;">but I wouldn't, hell, I couldn't.</div><div style="text-align: center;">They just <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">didn't fit.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;">Today, I am wearing one of those such shirts.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And it's loose on me.</div><div style="text-align: center;">That's right, fuck you society.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I do what I want.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">No real plan for my intake today, just a sorta basic outline of what I want to happen.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Which, in any girls world, should be exactly what happens (;</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I hope everyone's having fantastic days.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">xx</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-27346182394637509102011-11-07T18:44:00.000-08:002011-11-07T18:44:10.968-08:00Euphoria<div align="center">Today felt weird.</div><div align="center">My head was floating, almost as if I was high-</div><div align="center">(don't judge me, I have a past, haha)</div><div align="center">But no, I was perfectly sober.</div><div align="center">Perhaps it as endorphins.</div><div align="center">A natural high, of the purest form.</div><div align="center">I felt <em>thin.</em></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center">For the past three days, people have been commenting on my weight loss.</div><div align="center">"Aniela, you look thin!"</div><div align="center"><em>If you say so.</em></div><div align="center">"Wow, I'm not used to seeing you this skinny."</div><div align="center"><em>Thanks, ass.</em></div><div align="center">"Have you lost weight?"</div><div align="center"><em>Nah, just twenty-seven pounds. No biggie.</em></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center">It was a head rush.<br />
An ego boost, that I'm not necessarily sure I deserve.<br />
But what's more, it was further conviction that I <em>can</em> do this.</div><div align="center">I <em>will </em>be a hundred pounds.</div><div align="center">No qualms, no questions, no issues, no statements.</div><div align="center">I will be skinny.</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center">Only 5 pounds to go.</div><div align="center">Five.</div><div align="center">It seems... meager, compared to the days when I was 130 lbs and dreaming of 115.</div><div align="center">So little, so few.</div><div align="center"><em>Just a little farther.</em></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center">I've noticed, I look hotter.</div><div align="center">Even my face looks thinner.</div><div align="center">Better, but not best.</div><div align="center">I'll get there, eventually.</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><em>Motivation is everything.</em></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center">~</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center">I've been doing something reall weird lately, a habit that's borderlining an obsession.</div><div align="center">I save food.</div><div align="center">Not just any food, but junk food.<br />
Candy, lollies, packaged debbie cakes, you name it, I horde it.</div><div align="center">And then what do I do?<br />
Give it away.</div><div align="center">That's right, I just give it away.<br />
But not before I stare at the candy, and think calmly to myself,</div><div align="center"><em>"Before, I would have eaten this. Hell, perhaps dozens of this. I would've consumed the unnecessary calories, carbs and sugars, that would only make me want to kill myself from guilt. Before, I would have suffered the self hatred."</em></div><div align="center">It's a humbling feeling, yet prideful.</div><div align="center">So, instead of feasting on disgusting processed sugar that will only make me fatter, I give it to other people.</div><div align="center">They smile, thank me, laugh- are genuinely grateful.</div><div align="center">They won't hate themselves after consuming it.</div><div align="center">So why not put the food to better use?</div><div align="center">Give it to someone who will enjoy it?</div><div align="center">At least that's the way I see it.</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center">You know me, always philanthropic...</div><div align="center"><em>Ha, what a lie.</em></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><em>~</em></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Intake:</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">three small pieces of chicken</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">three bites egg whites w/ shredded cheese</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">one slice turkey pastrami</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">one slize mozzarella cheese</span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><br />
</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-87379696227193137292011-11-07T04:23:00.000-08:002011-11-07T06:05:58.210-08:00Prevail<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xqnRLPfYciQ/TrflvSuVFEI/AAAAAAAAAQM/bW794qdxd0A/s1600/croo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xqnRLPfYciQ/TrflvSuVFEI/AAAAAAAAAQM/bW794qdxd0A/s400/croo.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">105.8</div><div style="text-align: center;">A little more than half a pound down.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Waking up this morning was glorious, as I was feeling all the effects of an extra hour's sleep...</div><div style="text-align: center;">So here I am, feeling awake and refreshed- ready to take on the day! </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm really beginning to see a difference in my body- I have a near flat stomach, with almost no body fat covering it; I remember the days when I could grab two handfuls of the disgusting flabbiness around my waist.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ugh.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Shoot me if I ever get that big again.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I made a 5 lbs a week goal, starting last Monday... I'm happy to say, I passed it with flying colors. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I was 110 last monday, and here I am, in the 105s (:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm trying for 100 by next Monday, yes indeed. A pretty modest goal, but it will get me there.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm feeling so much more confident in my clothes- I'm actually wearing a semi- crop top today.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Meaning, you can see some of my stomach...</div><div style="text-align: center;">And I think it looks pretty sexy (;</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">But hey, confidence is 80 percent of the battle.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Now I'm going to go drink some water, and fantasize about my goal weight...</div><div style="text-align: center;">God I'm thirsty.</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-32087510904878788422011-11-05T18:33:00.000-07:002011-11-05T18:37:31.754-07:00Abdicate<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-J7grMOWq3ZM/TrXjyG-fjoI/AAAAAAAAAQE/ZeYToYkhEmc/s1600/aria.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-J7grMOWq3ZM/TrXjyG-fjoI/AAAAAAAAAQE/ZeYToYkhEmc/s400/aria.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm getting more and more used to the idea of saying "no".</div><div style="text-align: center;">It really is a strange concept to me.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today I wanted "just one more slice of cheese..."</div><div style="text-align: center;">No.</div><div style="text-align: center;">"Come on, just a little chunk of skinless turkey..."</div><div style="text-align: center;">No.</div><div style="text-align: center;">"Maybe a couple raw almonds?"</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>No.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">And that was it. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Final answer.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Because I came to the realization, that every time I say no to those seemingly insignificant things, I'm creating a greater change within my body that's only going to bring me closer and closer to my goal.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">And not to mention, I feel strong.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today, I walked around the mall with my boyfriend, hand in hand; visiting stores and gazing upon thousands and thousands of cute outfits just begging to be worn.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Surrounding us on all sides were the shoppers.</div><div style="text-align: center;">We decided to stop inside a little candy stop, which was actually sort of my decision.<br />
I just wanted to go in there and look.<br />
I find looking to be the most intensely pleasurable experience- it brings no pain or guilt.</div><div style="text-align: center;">All the colors arranged in an aesthetically appealing manner, set in large barrels strewn through the store; it was like dancing through my childhood.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I didn't intend to eat any of it, no sir.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Just merely watch.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Whilst perusing the stores, I engaged in one of my most favorite activities of all time- people watching. People watching is a source of intense entertainment for me, an event which becomes downright comical when at the mall.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I see so many girls in the middle of butt fuck winter sporting shorts and tank tops- which is not really weird, considering I do live in the Sunshine Out Your Ass State. No, that wasn't the issue... It was the <i>size </i>of the girls wearing short shorts that was truly obscene. I found staring at the cottage cheese rolls being clung to by a jean colored glad wrap so disgusting, that it almost made me gag on my own mental insults.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">But hey, to each their own.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I just know when I was fat, I did <i>not </i>go around in booty shorts.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Enough on that matter.<br />
<br />
~<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Intake:</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">1/2 cup egg whites with cayenne</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">couple slices turkey</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">2 slices sharp cheddar cheese</span></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I feel today was a very good day, however I'm feeling a little thirsty...</div><div style="text-align: center;">Perhaps I'll go remedy that now.<br />
I hope everything continues to be well with everyone out in the blogosphere, and I'll sign off with only one piece of advice...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Just say no.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">xx<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-72811314591288600562011-11-05T08:44:00.000-07:002011-11-05T08:44:24.045-07:00Precarious<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZyXUcjBzTSY/TrVXf0GlJiI/AAAAAAAAAP8/XARou9Gm570/s1600/tumblr_lu5vk20Qjs1r41dl1o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZyXUcjBzTSY/TrVXf0GlJiI/AAAAAAAAAP8/XARou9Gm570/s400/tumblr_lu5vk20Qjs1r41dl1o1_500.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">106.4</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Another pound down.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I'm hanging out with the boyfriend today, who is such a blessing...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">He means everything to me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Today's going to be filled with adventure, I hope... And lots of kisses.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><3</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The boyfriend says to me, "Wow, you really look like you've lost weight. I'm so proud of you."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I casually brush off his remark, only to think about it and then say, "Why are you proud?"</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">He responds, "Because you're doing something so many people say they're going to do, and then never actually even attempt."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I was just quiet, smiling on the inside.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">~</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Every day my goal is getting closer, and every day I'm filled with more hope.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">For the longest time, I believed I was going to be fat forever.<br />
That I couldn't do this.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">That I was a failure.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">So far, I've been proving myself dead wrong.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I have a pair of jeans that I have not worn in over three years, just sitting in my drawers, collecting dust-</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">always awaiting that one day I would be able to wear them again, never thrown away.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Always out of hope, I kept them; even if I was too fat to even contemplate putting them on.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I came to an agreement with myself of late, that when I reach 100, I will try on the jeans.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">However, this morning, as I glanced at the lone jeans in my drawer...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I said fuck it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I grabbed the bitches, and then, with a deep breath, slid on the jeans.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I expected the jeans to snag, about mid-thigh- but strangely, they didn't. They kept going.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Cue extreme mind fuck.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">So I'm dancing around my room, singing a chorus of "Fuck yes bitches!" acting a complete lunatic in my new addition to my (wearable) wardrobe.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">It feels good.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Especially after not believing in myself, for so long.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">It just goes to show, all you need is a little faith.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">~</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">One oh six point four.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I still can't fucking believe it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">xx</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-11591908184932102162011-11-04T19:47:00.000-07:002011-11-04T19:47:44.304-07:00Insane<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yHPJuJa8Exg/TrSjyQZFy0I/AAAAAAAAAP0/7xnvcXd2b8Y/s1600/wheat2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yHPJuJa8Exg/TrSjyQZFy0I/AAAAAAAAAP0/7xnvcXd2b8Y/s400/wheat2.jpg" width="264" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Something crazy just happened.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I was in the bathroom, and spur of the moment decided to strip and weigh myself...</div><div style="text-align: center;">On the way to the scale, I'm thinking to myself, great- I'm going to see a higher number and <strike>want to kill myself</strike> be extremely upset.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm just sorta muttering to myself, and then I brace myself, hold my breath, and step onto the cool surface of the scale.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">This morning, I was 108.2</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's the afternoon... <i>of the same day.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">I got up the courage to finally look down, and several red dashes blink back at me.</div><div style="text-align: center;">107.2</div><div style="text-align: center;">I blink.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It doesn't register.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I stare at the number.</div><div style="text-align: center;">"One oh seven?" I think to myself.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I quickly think back to what I was this morning...</div><div style="text-align: center;">and almost have a heart attack.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">This has never happened before, and I'm going to take it as indicative of my further success.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've worked hard, and now it's paying off.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Quite plentifully, indeed (;</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Fiber day went well.</div><div style="text-align: center;">My daily intake was significantly lower than usual, which after two celery sticks totaled up to a whopping 9 calories, 2g carbs.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I feel like a boss.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm going to take this moment, to rant about something I keep seeing.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've been spending more and more time of late on Tumblr, on which there is an intense Pro-Ana following. However, what I'm seeing more frequently is girls saying, "I'm on day 9 of my water fast! Only had four pieces of fruit, three bites of pasta, six sips of pepsi..." *list goes on*</div><div style="text-align: center;">Bitch, shut the fuck up.</div><div style="text-align: center;">That is not a fast.</div><div style="text-align: center;">The only thing fast about what you just mentioned is how quickly your thighs are going to expand.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Anywho, I hope everyone is well-</div><div style="text-align: center;">because my life is truly amazing.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><3</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">xx</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-5626313750922807492011-11-04T06:43:00.000-07:002011-11-04T06:43:44.902-07:00Success<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k3EiRpZX-no/TrPsBjVUr4I/AAAAAAAAAPs/jOtvxzouumA/s1600/wreck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k3EiRpZX-no/TrPsBjVUr4I/AAAAAAAAAPs/jOtvxzouumA/s400/wreck.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">108.2</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm down a pound and a half.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm fucking ecstatic.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I shattered that plateau, like a boss.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I feel amazing.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Every part of my body feels thinner, but not quite thin enough...</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm so close, I'm getting there.</div><div style="text-align: center;">As a great bitch once said, "I don't get even... I get ahead."</div><div style="text-align: center;">(;</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Life is truly great.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm so ecstatically happy.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I no longer feel shitty, like I'm dying every day...</div><div style="text-align: center;">This low carb thing has become really liberating.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I get to work around my weight intelligently, and come up with the best possible plan of action to lose more weight; perfect for my analytical self.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today is my fiber day.</div><div style="text-align: center;">In an effort to help out my intestines, today I'm using my regularly allowed carb intake (~2g carbs) to consume celery, and only celery.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It'll still have the same effects of my low carb diet, whilst enabling me to take a crap.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Elegant, I know.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm fitting into jeans I previously hadn't worn for months, because I was too fucking morbidly obese.</div><div style="text-align: center;">They fit beautifully snug, and make me look amazing...</div><div style="text-align: center;">Whereas before in the same jeans I looked like a freshly pressed sausage casing.</div><div style="text-align: center;">>.<</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">108.2</div><div style="text-align: center;">Almost 107.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I can't fucking believe it.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Instead of being 34 lbs away from my goal weight, I am now 9 lbs away.</div><div style="text-align: center;">That's just crazy insane for me to contemplate.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And I couldn't be more thankful.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Well, I don't know if that's the right word.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've fought myself for years.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Blood, sweat, and the cliche tears to get this.</div><div style="text-align: center;">To finally get what I want.</div><div style="text-align: center;">So maybe thankful isn't what I'm going for here...</div><div style="text-align: center;">Relieved.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ecstatic.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Grateful.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">My stomach just growled.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And I've never been happier.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">xx</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-42806266629592544952011-11-03T15:33:00.000-07:002011-11-03T15:33:58.322-07:00Progress Pics<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ladies, I believe it's about time for some progress pics.</div><div style="text-align: center;">So, please don't hate me for (previoulsy) being a gluttonous fat lard...<br />
I feel like I've come a long way.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Before - 133 pounds, 4'11''</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uKT6uYl1O0g/TrMWJT1fuqI/AAAAAAAAAPc/zc8OeKH_sGQ/s1600/ickickick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uKT6uYl1O0g/TrMWJT1fuqI/AAAAAAAAAPc/zc8OeKH_sGQ/s640/ickickick.jpg" width="399" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">After - 4'11'', 109 lbs</span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rs9hyqMGAeo/TrMWP_b_dfI/AAAAAAAAAPk/l25C4wBU_y4/s1600/292569_10150281796707569_603717568_7981825_2782770_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="296" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rs9hyqMGAeo/TrMWP_b_dfI/AAAAAAAAAPk/l25C4wBU_y4/s400/292569_10150281796707569_603717568_7981825_2782770_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Think thin, darlings.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">xx</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-14176168128074861812011-11-03T05:57:00.000-07:002011-11-03T05:57:32.782-07:00Disrepair<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2s-ggNClQ00/TrKPtBRXBfI/AAAAAAAAAPU/bptD0felS1Q/s1600/showstopper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="263" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2s-ggNClQ00/TrKPtBRXBfI/AAAAAAAAAPU/bptD0felS1Q/s400/showstopper.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Plateau.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm not as pissed about it as I normally am.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I mean hey, at least I'm not getting fatter.</div><div style="text-align: center;">No skin off my teeth.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Or food, for that matter.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I feel less fat around my stomach area, meaning that this plateau is mainly water weight + me not being able to shit. I was going to remedy that today, by using the very few amount of carbs I'm allowed (less than three grams) to eat fiber-full celery all day in the hopes of being able to shit.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Well, Thank you world, for the cordial fuck you.</div><div style="text-align: center;">The parentals didn't buy celery, so I'm just eating normal low carb all day.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'll have lost weight eventually (: </div><div style="text-align: center;">It just takes time.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">They say your body has biological markers that at certain sizes, will stick your weight where it is because it "remembers" a time you were this size and clings to it, survival style.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Hence, the plateau.</div><div style="text-align: center;">But it's whatever.</div><div style="text-align: center;">You just have to stick it out, change up what you're doing; before you know it you will be lower and it will feel amazing.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Incredible.</div><div style="text-align: center;">All that hardwork, all those days spent starving, will have paid off.</div><div style="text-align: center;">This is what I look forward to.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Wish me luck today, darlings.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-11857966439862414812011-11-02T06:57:00.000-07:002011-11-02T06:57:50.134-07:00Lovely<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VKxxHjGScdI/TrFMQxLG0HI/AAAAAAAAAPM/cLknASRhdGo/s1600/runaway333.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VKxxHjGScdI/TrFMQxLG0HI/AAAAAAAAAPM/cLknASRhdGo/s400/runaway333.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
109.6</div><div style="text-align: center;">Back at my previous lowest weight.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Fuck yes.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm so damn thirsty though...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today I woke up to a cold morning, and threw on my most expensive furry (faux, of course) jacket and Uggs and went outside to <s>enjoy the cool, refreshing air</s> make my life completely miserable.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Breakfast was me daintily nibbling on a yellow egg with some cheese on it, contemplating the day ahead.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Last night I slept so damn well, it was incredible.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Girlies, when dieting/fasting/doing whatever you fucking can to lose weight, always remember to get enough sleep; or you will feel (and look) like death. </div><div style="text-align: center;">And that's not the point of this whole thing.</div><div style="text-align: center;">The point is for you to be the most drop dead gorgeous bitch in the entire room.</div><div style="text-align: center;">So, sleep and adequate water is of utmost importance<3</div><div style="text-align: center;">Make sure to drink plenty of it!</div><div style="text-align: center;">And no, darlings, your nonfat skinny light caramel frappucinos from Starbucks don't count ;)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
In all life, no matter your venture, mentality is half (if not more) of the battle.<br />
If you tell yourself, I can do this- hell, I can do it whenever I want;<br />
then you will it into existence.<br />
The stress you normally feel when thinking about how much weight you want to lose, will be replaced with a smug comfort.<br />
Because once you do get that dream body, everyone will be in awe.<br />
They will be thrown off, insecure- you used to look like them.<br />
You were one of them, on their level.<br />
And then you became gorgeous.<br />
They think to themselves, "They became gorgeous.. and here I am, still fat..."<br />
Insecurities will arise.<br />
Fat girls won't trust you.<br />
You're no longer one of them.<br />
Guys will drool after you, but hey, you get the pick of the flock...<br />
And oh my, will they flock.<br />
<br />
~<br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">If I could run away into forever, </div><div style="text-align: center;">an emptiness to hide</div><div style="text-align: center;">a love returned forgotten</div><div style="text-align: center;">for just a piece of time</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'd live in those wondrous places</div><div style="text-align: center;">between each realm of thought</div><div style="text-align: center;">to dwell upon your dreams,</div><div style="text-align: center;">in your memory caught.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'd find those words you do not speak</div><div style="text-align: center;">in that place where trials and hopes can meet</div><div style="text-align: center;">The contempted, the tried, the loved and true,</div><div style="text-align: center;">they have no meaning </div><div style="text-align: center;">when I'm without you.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
~</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-88076895676656214482011-11-01T17:15:00.000-07:002011-11-01T17:15:48.524-07:00Misnomer<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XpUOXKK5wYQ/TrCLlVUyG9I/AAAAAAAAAPE/-yhcBEms9nw/s1600/smile1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XpUOXKK5wYQ/TrCLlVUyG9I/AAAAAAAAAPE/-yhcBEms9nw/s400/smile1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
110.2</div><div style="text-align: center;">Down half a pound.</div><div style="text-align: center;">But hey, what else can I expect when I'm restricting so much?</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm always going to wish it was more.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Losing weight just makes me realize how much of a fat ass I was in the first place...</div><div style="text-align: center;">Which is not exactly a pleasant feeling, not at all.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I just want the spare tire around my middle to go the fuck away.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Is that too much to ask?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">No stomach looks attractive with fat on it.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's plain and simple truth.<br />
<br />
~<br />
<br />
It kills me to stand up too fast; the world gets dizzy and greys at the edges...<br />
This is how I know I'm doing something right.<br />
It's night time, and after my day's consumption + water intake, I only weigh in at a neat .2 pounds higher than I was this morning- which is a very, very good thing.<br />
Guaranteed weight loss.<br />
And it feels, oh so good.<br />
I guess you could say my first goal weight is 109.5, which will sufficiently be the lowest number I've had in two years.<br />
Hitting 105 will be a benchmark.<br />
And then, the long awaited 100 pounds.<br />
And I'm so god damn close I can practically taste it.<br />
<br />
~<br />
<br />
I'm having so many food dreams lately, it's really throwing me off.<br />
I always wake up feeling like such a failure for being weak and eating, only to realize I haven't put a single morsel of what I thought I did past my lips.<br />
And it feels so good.<br />
<br />
My birthday's at the end of this month, and as a gift, I'm getting a belly button piercing.<br />
And my stomach is going to look fucking amazing for it.<br />
There's no way on this god damn earth I will get the piercing if I'm a fat lard.<br />
<br />
I'm keeping a pretty consistent goal of 5 pounds a week for weight loss, which evens out to about .7 pounds a day, give or take a couple for marginal error.<br />
This is laughably doable.<br />
<br />
I've come a really long way, and I'm very grateful for it.<br />
Not a day passes that I don't thank whatever deities there are that I'm not 133 pounds anymore...<br />
God damn what was I ever thinking.<br />
<br />
Well, I think that's just it; I wasn't.<br />
<br />
~<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Intake:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">sausage patty</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">two round eggs</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">mild cheddar cheese stick</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">slice mozzarella cheese</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">bite of ham</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">~</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Think thin.</span></div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727492741271377307.post-41851640896802068862011-10-31T20:58:00.000-07:002011-10-31T20:58:00.273-07:00Central<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LjOFTiD_swI/Tq9uP_r0_kI/AAAAAAAAAO8/NwzBvNiMO68/s1600/vogue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LjOFTiD_swI/Tq9uP_r0_kI/AAAAAAAAAO8/NwzBvNiMO68/s400/vogue.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I spend a lot of time just musing to myself these days.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm feeling much more productive, which is the end result of me busting my ass to catch up on school work... Kids, don't let it happen to you.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I want so much from my future, but none of it's going to mean anything if I don't get my shit together right now. I'm a junior- no longer is there any room for error.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Time management seems to be quite the issue with me-</div><div style="text-align: center;">Because quite honestly, ninety-eight percent of the time I just can't be fucked to do anything.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Algebra?</div><div style="text-align: center;">Fuck that bullshit.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'd much rather be sipping a skinny nonfat macchiato from Starbucks, writing poem upon poem...</div><div style="text-align: center;">Or meditating outside, feeling the cool breeze calm my being.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Or just sitting there, planning for the future.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I know what I want from my life, and I'll be damned if I'm not going to have it.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">~</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm moving to California as soon as I graduate, from one sunny state to another.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Just the first step of many into my future, towards all of my dreams.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">One thing I've learned in life, is don't ever let anyone tell you you're not worth your dreams.</div><div style="text-align: center;">They're wrong.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It is no one's right but your own to tell you what you're worth.<br />
So fuck 'em.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Grasp your future, in your own hands.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Make your own reality.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Intake:</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">1/2 cup egg whites w/ grated cheese</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">~</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">A major realization I came to in regards to my weight loss, is that I was going through each day relatively painlessly. I ate when I was hungry, (albeit low carb) and never really said no to myself.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Well, that's changed. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I've been telling myself no a lot lately.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">And my weight has been all the better for it.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">So, I guess my philosophy of the day is</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">"Just say no."</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">No to food, and yes to thin.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Aniela Thosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08032292841744268754noreply@blogger.com0