Thursday, March 24, 2011


I am the empty space inside my mind.

It's almost time for my last meal of the day, which today consists of steak and steamed celery.
Mmm, steak.
I never was much of a meat person, even to the point that I had been vegan for almost a year of my life (which I loved) but unfortunately there is no vegetarian option to the Copenhagen.

My mind is tired.


Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like if I'd have a father.
Someone to love me unconditionally, for me to be doted on by... For the threats you know are sure to come if any guys step more than five feet close to you.
You know... A dad.
But in life, I was not granted such.

Maybe I should start looking at what I do have in life, and being more grateful.
It's just sometimes, I don't know...

I ran away from home once.
Not in the literal, backpack slung over my shoulder, living-on-the-streets sorta way...
No, instead I ran away to live with my biololgical father (^aforementioned scum bag), thinking any life was better than this one.
I was wrong.
My ED spiralled into a deeper existence while I lived in New Zealand...
Away from friends, family, anyone who cared about me.

Two years and $3,000 USD later... I'm home.
And all I can think of is how great it would be to starve again, like I did over there.

Selfish. Conniving. Bitch.

These words echo in my head.
Are we more than flesh and blood?

1 comment:

  1. You have a lot of strength to run away even more so for coming back even when its painful to
    I admire u so much.