Excite

96.9

My lowest weight ever, by far.

I'm not entirely certain how to feel.

Yesterday was my birthday- I twiddled my hours away, flitting from store to store, trying on item of clothing after item of clothing...

and always, always pleased.

Nothing pinched, nothing pulled.
Everything cascaded, and caressed, in ways I'd only ever dreamed of; or drooled after on thinspo blogs.

Everything looked great- and if it didn't, it was because the shirt was too baggy, or the jeans too loose.

A very heady feeling...

I do quite believe I could get lost in it.

I'm not quite where I want to be yet, but god damn it I'm close.

Closer than I've ever been.

Ninety two is the magic number.

Because, you see, I don't want to be average.

I don't even want to be on the lower end of normal.

I'll say what I've said a million times over, I want thin.

I want the prestige...

Because lovelies, it's true what they say.

Thin is a skill; a practice you must hone with each passing day, until it is second nature to you.

You must breathe thin, like it needs you.

This is what I want.

~

The boyfriend gave me presents yesterday- I was ecstatic.

Four pairs of jeans, and a pair of shorts plus two tops; all from Hollister.

I about died.

At first I eyed the articles of clothing with trepidation, remembering all too well the days after days spent in dressing rooms with my mother- near tears because nothing would fit me, and the mirror displayed all too well the disgusting fat rolls all over my body.

Suffice to say, those incidences have left me just a little jaded in regards to the whole "clothes" agenda.

I stare at the blue denim fabric, ogling each curve- and lack thereof.

Slowly, my heart beating, I grab the jeans- the little tag reads 24.

Quick mental math.

Size zero.

I'm holding a size zero from Hollister.

At this point, I'm sort of freaking out; anticipating the conversation where I tell my boyfriend, "Oh hey, thanks for the gifts and all, but you see, there's this little thing where I'm too fat for all the clothes you got me..." Each second my sense of dread increases.

Until I decide, fuck it.

Two minutes later, I'm staring into the mirror in disbelief.

They fit perfectly.

Each leg went in without a moment's hesitation, and the button felt like it belonged right around my waist; in fact, a little loose.

I could get lost in this.

~

People at school are noticing- two of my teachers remarked that I was "too skinny".
However, at four foot eleven, I hardly find this is the case; it's most likely a mixture of my very strong Polish genes (my mother's full blooded, I'm first generation off the boat) lending me a very angular face. And hey, I'm okay with this.

What's the point of being thin when no one can tell?

My biggest problem areas are my stomach and thighs, but slowly, day by day I can feel my thighs getting smaller and smaller.

I know I'm not genetically predisposed to a thigh gap, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to have the closest thing to it.

Another small victory today:

I'm officially in the 18 BMI range. Eighteen point nine, to be exact.

Which is freaking crazy.

I took my measurements two days ago- perhaps I'll post them later

Just four pounds to go... That's all I have.

Then begins my "Reintroduction Phase" (should be tons of fun).

I chose ninety two, because I feel like that's where I'll see the most difference.

I want to be glamorously thin.

~

I haven't been updating my intake lately, for a number of reasons.

One, I've been very low spirits- very tired, very sad.

I don't know if sad is the right word.

And also, other than that, I probably would find the energy to at least blog what I ate;

but you see, the thing is I haven't.

At least, not for the past eleven days.

And I really couldn't give a fuck.

Expected

97.8

I don't know what else to say.

I just want to be thinner.

Today's my birthday...

and I'm not entirely certain I care.

Retribution

100.4

I haven't eaten in six days.

And I don't particularly give a fuck.

~

I've dyed my hair, tanned my skin, lost 35ish pounds-

and now everyone acts differently towards me.

I'm stared at.

Guys check me out, when they think I'm not looking.

Oh, but I know.

Haven't blogged in a couple days-I've been away from the computer.

Off doing greater things of more (temporary) importance, like running lap upon lap upon lap in an effort to lose just a little more weight the next day.
Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

A hundred point four.

Bleach blonde hair, with brown skin.

Painted nails, a belly button ring.

Throw in a iced skinny starbucks coffee and you have the image I've been striving for, for about four years.

I've been working hard- and now, I've finally done it.

I'm about 5 lbs away from where I finally want to be.

So, this is essentially crunch time.

God, I love my life.

Strange

Today was a very weird day.

It started, with me once again not eating- I'd allotted myself egg whites for breakfast, but, lo and behold, my lazy ass didn't have enough time to actually cook anything.

Thus sets the scene of my day, leaving the house hassled, hair barely straightened, make up everything but smudged on- just done up enough to be approachable in common society.

Then lunch time rolls around.

I was walking down the hall, when suddenly my thoughtful countenance was assaulted by some sounds coming from somewhere in the same hallway.

"Hey cutie!"

A lower classman calls at me; I scoff outright.

I say right back, "Too young."

And walk right off towards the track.

It was my lunch, after all- I mean, what else would I be doing? Eating?

Ha, good one.

After I finished my two miles, I get cat called walking to my next class.

At this point, I'm thinking what the fuck.

Fast forward to later that day, after school.

I went to a restaurant with my friend, and after inquiring to speak to the manager about the food ingredients in one of the recipes (my friend is on a low carb diet, gotta help her out every once in awhile), right before he walks off he says, "I was sort of hoping you were going to ask if we have any server spots for hire right now, because you are very gorgeous and we could use someone like you."

What. The. Fuck.

Oh, but I'm not done.

On the way home, besides getting honked at twice, a twenty year old guy slows down while making a turn, and stares straight at me and smiles. Then, he pulls around again in front of me, calling out; "Hey girly, are you single?" Seems harmless enough, you know.

But wait, did I mention he's driving a minivan, and missing teeth?

"No, I'm taken, sorry," I call back out.

As if.

It's going to take a lot more than calling at me from a moving vehicle to get me, and especially not a minivan.

Ugh.

The point of all this is, this has just started occurring, now that I hit the 102 lb area.

Nobody, and I repeat, nobody did any such thing towards me or about me when I was thirty pounds heavier.

People are noticing.

But more importantly, so am I.

Just goes to show though, that nobody likes the fat girl...

~

I don't regret weight loss for a moment.

All I had to do was believe in myself.

Intake:

Nothing

Outtake:

walk five miles (270 calories)

Grandeur

102.8

Still losing, but not as much as I'd have liked to...

Perhaps I'm greedy.

Today I apply for a waitressing job;

because everyone knows that a girl needs a little spending money (;

Life's rather dull without it, I say.

Today I want to burn as many calories as possible;

meaning, as many as my laziness will allow...

:p

But it's much easier to exercise, when you know you will see immediate results the very next day;

it makes the sweat just that much more meaningful, just that much greater of a triumph.

But what am I sitting here doing, talking about sweating- the most exercise I get is by walking.

Albeit, I walk far, but I don't do anything particularly strenuous-

For some reason, I really don't feel like going into cardiac arrest.

One oh two point eight.

Ugh.

It's really the "point eight" that kills me...

But hey, slow and steady wins the race stays fat longer.

I haven't eaten anything in awhile, and in all honesty, I don't particularly care to.

Now dearies, I must say, I acknowledge this is unhealthy- I would never condone fasting.

However, this is a blog about my weight loss journey; and I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

Let it be known, I won't live like this forever.

Eventually, I'll be upping my intake to maintenance levels....

...Eventually.

As soon as I'm pleased with my current weight.

Which, currently judging, should be about eight pounds from now.

It's all about pushing yourself, farther than you ever thought you could go.

Lower

I haven't eaten anything today.

I don't desire to.

What I do desire, however, is thin.

I want it.

I need it like I need air.

Today brought with it two compliments, of the unforeseen variety:

"Aniela, what the hell happened? You look like your two pounds!"

An inward smile, and a contented sigh.

"...Wow, Aniela- you really do look like you lost a lot of weight."

A cheeky thought crosses my mind-

You think I look good right now? Oh, just wait...

~

The greatest thing I long for, I think, is the skinny mindset.
I want to live it, think it, breathe it, feel it.
Sure, not eating is all well and good- it'll get you where you want to be-
but it doesn't require that much will power to just say no.
No, what actually takes the most will power, is allowing yourself to eat-
but not to over indulge in the everyday caloric norm that is contributing to larger waist
 lines all across the world.
It's about saying, no.
Fuck this.
I'm done.
I will be different.
And then, doing it.
Because that's where the true power comes out.

~

My life is quite literally perfect right now; and I couldn't ask for anymore.
...Other than to perhaps weigh a little less. (;

Intake:
Nothing, same as yesterday


Outtake:
3 miles walking

Reveal

103.2

The picture is me, this morning.

I'm in a library, because I like to pretend I'm educated while I fuck around and take pictures of myself.

(;

You know me, dearies...

I'd wanted to eat some egg whites this morning, however I didn't eat them, even though I planned it.

I guess "want" is the wrong term.

It was a mixture of things that contributed to my lack of food consumption on this fine morning, with each culprit no more to blame than the other...

I didn't have time

I wasn't hungry

I find the more I plan food, the more I resist it.

So, I just let it happen- go with a feeling.

It's a really crazy notion to me,  that tomorrow I'm waking up in the 102's.

Flipping insane.

I probably should eat something later today... 

Well, who knows?

xx

Divine

Today, in celebration of reaching my lowest weight in three years, I got a belly button ring.

It's so fucking adorable, and I feel so proud of myself.

I've come so far, done so much...

And it all pays off.

I really am so happy.

...And thirsty.

Very thirsty.

Also, in celebration of getting my belly button pierced, I'm not eating.

And in celebration of that, my weight will just be that much thinner tomorrow. 

(;

It feels amazing.

Liberation

104.0

Every pound I lose now, just brings me lower and lower- each day, I'm creating new lowest weights.

And it feel fucking incredible.

I've been low-carbing and restricting massively recently, but hey- 

if you want to look extreme, you must be extreme.

I think I'm going to post new body pics at 100...

Which shouldn't be too far now (;

Yesterday's intake consisted of three slices of rare ahi tuna, and 1/4 cup egg whites.

A beautiful, dainty amount.

Let one thing be known- I'm not going to eat like this forever.

Just until I get where I want to be.

I'll repeat, where I want to be.

Which is all up to me.

Because hey, when faced with the options of being pretty or prettier... 

Hell, which would you choose?

Today looks like it's going to be a lovely day...

I think I may go out, just to enjoy the sunshine.

Dearies, make sure you're keeping your ultimate goal in mind.

Breadth

105.0

Six pounds away from my lowest weight ever.

And it feels fucking amazing.

Debating having some tea, thinking about the future...

The boyfriend is in love with my body.
He keeps caressing my more visible bones, grabbing my hips...

Tracing my arms with his fingers...

Even he's amazed.

And hell, well, so am I.

~

Today's going swimmingly- spent the morning at the mall.

At Forever 21, I decided (on impulse) to grab cute shorts to try on; 

I checked the size - 24.

Now, in the past, I have always worn a 27 at Forever 21- sometimes a 26.

Today, those 24s fit perfectly. 

It was a fucking head rush.

I asked the clerk, "What size does the 24 translate to?"

She responds, "Zero."

Cue me almost shitting myself.

Sorry for being awol for awhile, I had a bit of a hiccup- 

I catapulted to113 in three days; which is not good at all.

But, I lost 8 pounds in the four days after (; 

So it's all good.

I hope you all are having lovely days.

xx

Redress

Yesterday's Post

104.9

Not as impressive as I'd like, not by any means.

But hey, these days I'll take what I can get.

I'm going to start exercising a little more, in an effort to speed up weight loss/keep up with my five pound a week goal. 

I woke up this morning, feeling really damn good- I wonder if the multivitamin I took yesterday is to blame? I felt well-rested, calm, collected and energized.

This entire weight loss has been a quasi-spiritual experience...

I just have to check myself, and not get too down when I don't see a two pound weight loss in one day (like I have before, haha). 

I've come so far, I just need to make sure I'm not too hard on myself.

Emphasis being too hard.

I still plan on kicking my own ass.

'Tis just how it's done.

I'm upping my intake a little more today, considering I've had less than fifty calories total for the past two days... That's all well and good for a little while, but I have to make sure my metabolism doesn't fall too much. Today I've enjoyed a much heartier feast, with a total of about 150 calories.

~
Morning Edit
Last night, in an effort to clear up my stomach, I did the saltwater flush-
which pretty much involves chugging four cups of saltwater and then waiting to shit your brains out.
Every other time I've done it, there've never been any complications.
Well, not this time.
For some reason, I still can't use the bathroom.
Which means I have four cups of saltwater (32 floz/2 lbs) water weight, just chilling in my intestines.
Not fun, at all.
Especially when I (daringly) stepped on the scale this morning and saw 106.
Upon seeing 106, my eyes just glazed over.
I thought to myself, fuck this.
Now my lower intestines are bloated, and I can't check my weight loss.
Ugh. Whatever.
This is what I get for trying not to take laxies.

Today's a lighter calorie day, in an effort to drop some more weight (obviously).

Belligerent

105.2

Lost a decent amount.

Not too good, but definitely not bad by any means.

A pleasant state of mediocrity.

I woke up this morning, and felt drunk.

I have no idea why.

It was worse than yesterday- I was actually acting tipsy.

Now, I have no clue as to why this might be happening...

So I said fuck it, toughed it out, and took a multivitamin.

Now I feel much better, thank god.

Can't exactly come to school acting like I'd just downed half a tequila bottle.

Well, I guess I could...

:p

Even my morning routine has changed because of my weight loss.

Before, I'd spend a good thirty to forty minutes rummaging through my drawers, looking for clothes I actually fit that wouldn't make me look like a beluga whale during mating season.

And in the process, I'd look through all my pretty shirts that I wanted to wear- 

but I wouldn't, hell, I couldn't.

They just didn't fit.

Today, I am wearing one of those such shirts.

And it's loose on me.

That's right, fuck you society.

I do what I want.

No real plan for my intake today, just a sorta basic outline of what I want to happen.

Which, in any girls world, should be exactly what happens (;

I hope everyone's having fantastic days.

xx

Euphoria

Today felt weird.

My head was floating, almost as if I was high-

(don't judge me, I have a past, haha)

But no, I was perfectly sober.

Perhaps it as endorphins.

A natural high, of the purest form.

I felt thin.

For the past three days, people have been commenting on my weight loss.

"Aniela, you look thin!"

If you say so.

"Wow, I'm not used to seeing you this skinny."

Thanks, ass.

"Have you lost weight?"

Nah, just twenty-seven pounds. No biggie.

It was a head rush.
An ego boost, that I'm not necessarily sure I deserve.
But what's more, it was further conviction that I can do this.

I will be a hundred pounds.

No qualms, no questions, no issues, no statements.

I will be skinny.

Only 5 pounds to go.

Five.

It seems... meager, compared to the days when I was 130 lbs and dreaming of 115.

So little, so few.

Just a little farther.

I've noticed, I look hotter.

Even my face looks thinner.

Better, but not best.

I'll get there, eventually.

Motivation is everything.

~

I've been doing something reall weird lately, a habit that's borderlining an obsession.

I save food.

Not just any food, but junk food.
Candy, lollies, packaged debbie cakes, you name it, I horde it.

And then what do I do?
Give it away.

That's right, I just give it away.
But not before I stare at the candy, and think calmly to myself,

"Before, I would have eaten this. Hell, perhaps dozens of this. I would've consumed the unnecessary calories, carbs and sugars, that would only make me want to kill myself from guilt. Before, I would have suffered the self hatred."

It's a humbling feeling, yet prideful.

So, instead of feasting on disgusting processed sugar that will only make me fatter, I give it to other people.

They smile, thank me, laugh- are genuinely grateful.

They won't hate themselves after consuming it.

So why not put the food to better use?

Give it to someone who will enjoy it?

At least that's the way I see it.

You know me, always philanthropic...

Ha, what a lie.

~

Intake:

three small pieces of chicken

three bites egg whites w/ shredded cheese

one slice turkey pastrami

one slize mozzarella cheese

Prevail

105.8

A little more than half a pound down.

Waking up this morning was glorious, as I was feeling all the effects of an extra hour's sleep...

So here I am, feeling awake and refreshed- ready to take on the day! 

I'm really beginning to see a difference in my body- I have a near flat stomach, with almost no body fat covering it; I remember the days when I could grab two handfuls of the disgusting flabbiness around my waist.

Ugh.

Shoot me if I ever get that big again.

I made a 5 lbs a week goal, starting last Monday... I'm happy to say, I passed it with flying colors. 

I was 110 last monday, and here I am, in the 105s (:

I'm trying for 100 by next Monday, yes indeed. A pretty modest goal, but it will get me there.

~

I'm feeling so much more confident in my clothes- I'm actually wearing a semi- crop top today.

Meaning, you can see some of my stomach...

And I think it looks pretty sexy (;

But hey, confidence is 80 percent of the battle.

Now I'm going to go drink some water, and fantasize about my goal weight...

God I'm thirsty.

Abdicate

I'm getting more and more used to the idea of saying "no".

It really is a strange concept to me.

Today I wanted "just one more slice of cheese..."

No.

"Come on, just a little chunk of skinless turkey..."

No.

"Maybe a couple raw almonds?"

No.

And that was it. 

Final answer.

Because I came to the realization, that every time I say no to those seemingly insignificant things, I'm creating a greater change within my body that's only going to bring me closer and closer to my goal.

And not to mention, I feel strong.

Today, I walked around the mall with my boyfriend, hand in hand; visiting stores and gazing upon thousands and thousands of cute outfits just begging to be worn.

Surrounding us on all sides were the shoppers.

We decided to stop inside a little candy stop, which was actually sort of my decision.
I just wanted to go in there and look.
I find looking to be the most intensely pleasurable experience- it brings no pain or guilt.

All the colors arranged in an aesthetically appealing manner, set in large barrels strewn through the store; it was like dancing through my childhood.

I didn't intend to eat any of it, no sir.

Just merely watch.

Whilst perusing the stores, I engaged in one of my most favorite activities of all time- people watching. People watching is a source of intense entertainment for me, an event which becomes downright comical when at the mall.

I see so many girls in the middle of butt fuck winter sporting shorts and tank tops- which is not really weird, considering I do live in the Sunshine Out Your Ass State. No, that wasn't the issue... It was the size of the girls wearing short shorts that was truly obscene. I found staring at the cottage cheese rolls being clung to by a jean colored glad wrap so disgusting, that it almost made me gag on my own mental insults.

But hey, to each their own.

I just know when I was fat, I did not go around in booty shorts.

Enough on that matter.

~

Intake:

1/2 cup egg whites with cayenne

couple slices turkey

2 slices sharp cheddar cheese

I feel today was a very good day, however I'm feeling a little thirsty...

Perhaps I'll go remedy that now.
I hope everything continues to be well with everyone out in the blogosphere, and I'll sign off with only one piece of advice...

Just say no.

xx

Precarious

106.4

Another pound down.

I'm hanging out with the boyfriend today, who is such a blessing...

He means everything to me.

Today's going to be filled with adventure, I hope... And lots of kisses.

<3

The boyfriend says to me, "Wow, you really look like you've lost weight. I'm so proud of you."

I casually brush off his remark, only to think about it and then say, "Why are you proud?"

He responds, "Because you're doing something so many people say they're going to do, and then never actually even attempt."

I was just quiet, smiling on the inside.

~

Every day my goal is getting closer, and every day I'm filled with more hope.

For the longest time, I believed I was going to be fat forever.
That I couldn't do this.

That I was a failure.

So far, I've been proving myself dead wrong.

I have a pair of jeans that I have not worn in over three years, just sitting in my drawers, collecting dust-

always awaiting that one day I would be able to wear them again, never thrown away.

Always out of hope, I kept them; even if I was too fat to even contemplate putting them on.

I came to an agreement with myself of late, that when I reach 100, I will try on the jeans.

However, this morning, as I glanced at the lone jeans in my drawer...

I said fuck it.

I grabbed the bitches, and then, with a deep breath, slid on the jeans.

I expected the jeans to snag, about mid-thigh- but strangely, they didn't. They kept going.

Cue extreme mind fuck.

So I'm dancing around my room, singing a chorus of "Fuck yes bitches!" acting a complete lunatic in my new addition to my (wearable) wardrobe.

It feels good.

Especially after not believing in myself, for so long.

It just goes to show, all you need is a little faith.

~

One oh six point four.

I still can't fucking believe it.

xx

Insane

Something crazy just happened.

I was in the bathroom, and spur of the moment decided to strip and weigh myself...

On the way to the scale, I'm thinking to myself, great- I'm going to see a higher number and want to kill myself be extremely upset.

I'm just sorta muttering to myself, and then I brace myself, hold my breath, and step onto the cool surface of the scale.

This morning, I was 108.2

It's the afternoon... of the same day.

I got up the courage to finally look down, and several red dashes blink back at me.

107.2

I blink.

It doesn't register.

I stare at the number.

"One oh seven?" I think to myself.

I quickly think back to what I was this morning...

and almost have a heart attack.

This has never happened before, and I'm going to take it as indicative of my further success.

I've worked hard, and now it's paying off.

Quite plentifully, indeed (;

~

Fiber day went well.

My daily intake was significantly lower than usual, which after two celery sticks totaled up to a whopping 9 calories, 2g carbs.

I feel like a boss.

I'm going to take this moment, to rant about something I keep seeing.

I've been spending more and more time of late on Tumblr,  on which there is an intense Pro-Ana following. However, what I'm seeing more frequently is girls saying, "I'm on day 9 of my water fast! Only had four pieces of fruit, three bites of pasta, six sips of pepsi..." *list goes on*

Bitch, shut the fuck up.

That is not a fast.

The only thing fast about what you just mentioned is how quickly your thighs are going to expand.

Anywho, I hope everyone is well-

because my life is truly amazing.

<3

xx

Success

108.2

I'm down a pound and a half.

I'm fucking ecstatic.

I shattered that plateau, like a boss.

I feel amazing.

Every part of my body feels thinner, but not quite thin enough...

I'm so close, I'm getting there.

As a great bitch once said, "I don't get even... I get ahead."

(;

Life is truly great.

I'm so ecstatically happy.

I no longer feel shitty, like I'm dying every day...

This low carb thing has become really liberating.

I get to work around my weight intelligently, and come up with the best possible plan of action to lose more weight; perfect for my analytical self.

Today is my fiber day.

In an effort to help out my intestines, today I'm using my regularly allowed carb intake (~2g  carbs) to consume celery, and only celery.

It'll still have the same effects of my low carb diet, whilst enabling me to take a crap.

Elegant, I know.

I'm fitting into jeans I previously hadn't worn for months, because I was too fucking morbidly obese.

They fit beautifully snug, and make me look amazing...

Whereas before in the same jeans I looked like a freshly pressed sausage casing.

>.<

108.2

Almost 107.

I can't fucking believe it.

Instead of being 34 lbs away from my goal weight, I am now 9 lbs away.

That's just crazy insane for me to contemplate.

And I couldn't be more thankful.

Well, I don't know if that's the right word.

I've fought myself for years.

Blood, sweat, and the cliche tears to get this.

To finally get what I want.

So maybe thankful isn't what I'm going for here...

Relieved.

Ecstatic.

Grateful.

My stomach just growled.

And I've never been happier.

xx

Progress Pics

Ladies, I believe it's about time for some progress pics.

So, please don't hate me for (previoulsy) being a gluttonous fat lard...
I feel like I've come a long way.

Before - 133 pounds, 4'11''

After - 4'11'', 109 lbs

Think thin, darlings.

xx

Disrepair

Plateau.

I'm not as pissed about it as I normally am.

I mean hey, at least I'm not getting fatter.

No skin off my teeth.

Or food, for that matter.

I feel less fat around my stomach area, meaning that this plateau is mainly water weight + me not being able to shit. I was going to remedy that today, by using the very few amount of carbs I'm allowed (less than three grams) to eat fiber-full celery all day in the hopes of being able to shit.

Well, Thank you world, for the cordial fuck you.

The parentals didn't buy celery, so I'm just eating normal low carb all day.

I'll have lost weight eventually (: 

It just takes time.

~

They say your body has biological markers that at certain sizes, will stick your weight where it is because it "remembers" a time you were this size and clings to it, survival style.

Hence, the plateau.

But it's whatever.

You just have to stick it out, change up what you're doing; before you know it you will be lower and it will feel amazing.

Incredible.

All that hardwork, all those days spent starving, will have paid off.

This is what I look forward to.

Wish me luck today, darlings.

Lovely

109.6

Back at my previous lowest weight.

Fuck yes.

I'm so damn thirsty though...

Today I woke up to a cold morning, and threw on my most expensive furry (faux, of course) jacket and Uggs and went outside to enjoy the cool, refreshing air make my life completely miserable.

Breakfast was me daintily nibbling on a yellow egg with some cheese on it, contemplating the day ahead.

Last night I slept so damn well, it was incredible.

Girlies, when dieting/fasting/doing whatever you fucking can to lose weight, always remember to get enough sleep; or you will feel (and look) like death. 

And that's not the point of this whole thing.

The point is for you to be the most drop dead gorgeous bitch in the entire room.

So, sleep and adequate water is of utmost importance<3

Make sure to drink plenty of it!

And no, darlings, your nonfat skinny light caramel frappucinos from Starbucks don't count ;)

~

In all life, no matter your venture, mentality is half (if not more) of the battle.
If you tell yourself, I can do this- hell, I can do it whenever I want;
then you will it into existence.
The stress you normally feel when thinking about how much weight you want to lose, will be replaced with a smug comfort.
Because once you do get that dream body, everyone will be in awe.
They will be thrown off, insecure- you used to look like them.
You were one of them, on their level.
And then you became gorgeous.
They think to themselves, "They became gorgeous.. and here I am, still fat..."
Insecurities will arise.
Fat girls won't trust you.
You're no longer one of them.
Guys will drool after you, but hey, you get the pick of the flock...
And oh my, will they flock.

~

If I could run away into forever, 

an emptiness to hide

a love returned forgotten

for just a piece of time

I'd live in those wondrous places

between each realm of thought

to dwell upon your dreams,

in your memory caught.

I'd find those words you do not speak

in that place where trials and hopes can meet

The contempted, the tried, the loved and true,

they have no meaning 

when I'm without you.

~

Misnomer

110.2

Down half a pound.

But hey, what else can I expect when I'm restricting so much?

I'm always going to wish it was more.

Losing weight just makes me realize how much of a fat ass I was in the first place...

Which is not exactly a pleasant feeling, not at all.

I just want the spare tire around my middle to go the fuck away.

Is that too much to ask?

No stomach looks attractive with fat on it.

It's plain and simple truth.

~

It kills me to stand up too fast; the world gets dizzy and greys at the edges...
This is how I know I'm doing something right.
It's night time, and after my day's consumption + water intake, I only weigh in at a neat .2 pounds higher than I was this morning- which is a very, very good thing.
Guaranteed weight loss.
And it feels, oh so good.
I guess you could say my first goal weight is 109.5, which will sufficiently be the lowest number I've had in two years.
Hitting 105 will be a benchmark.
And then, the long awaited 100 pounds.
And I'm so god damn close I can practically taste it.

~

I'm having so many food dreams lately, it's really throwing me off.
I always wake up feeling like such a failure for being weak and eating, only to realize I haven't put a single morsel of what I thought I did past my lips.
And it feels so good.

My birthday's at the end of this month, and as a gift, I'm getting a belly button piercing.
And my stomach is going to look fucking amazing for it.
There's no way on this god damn earth I will get the piercing if I'm a fat lard.

I'm keeping a pretty consistent goal of 5 pounds a week for weight loss, which evens out to about .7 pounds a day, give or take a couple for marginal error.
This is laughably doable.

I've come a really long way, and I'm very grateful for it.
Not a day passes that I don't thank whatever deities there are that I'm not 133 pounds anymore...
God damn what was I ever thinking.

Well, I think that's just it; I wasn't.

~

Intake:
sausage patty
two round eggs
mild cheddar cheese stick
slice mozzarella cheese
bite of ham


~


Think thin.