Monday, November 7, 2011


Today felt weird.
My head was floating, almost as if I was high-
(don't judge me, I have a past, haha)
But no, I was perfectly sober.
Perhaps it as endorphins.
A natural high, of the purest form.
I felt thin.

For the past three days, people have been commenting on my weight loss.
"Aniela, you look thin!"
If you say so.
"Wow, I'm not used to seeing you this skinny."
Thanks, ass.
"Have you lost weight?"
Nah, just twenty-seven pounds. No biggie.

It was a head rush.
An ego boost, that I'm not necessarily sure I deserve.
But what's more, it was further conviction that I can do this.
I will be a hundred pounds.
No qualms, no questions, no issues, no statements.
I will be skinny.

Only 5 pounds to go.
It seems... meager, compared to the days when I was 130 lbs and dreaming of 115.
So little, so few.
Just a little farther.

I've noticed, I look hotter.
Even my face looks thinner.
Better, but not best.
I'll get there, eventually.

Motivation is everything.


I've been doing something reall weird lately, a habit that's borderlining an obsession.
I save food.
Not just any food, but junk food.
Candy, lollies, packaged debbie cakes, you name it, I horde it.
And then what do I do?
Give it away.
That's right, I just give it away.
But not before I stare at the candy, and think calmly to myself,
"Before, I would have eaten this. Hell, perhaps dozens of this. I would've consumed the unnecessary calories, carbs and sugars, that would only make me want to kill myself from guilt. Before, I would have suffered the self hatred."
It's a humbling feeling, yet prideful.
So, instead of feasting on disgusting processed sugar that will only make me fatter, I give it to other people.
They smile, thank me, laugh- are genuinely grateful.
They won't hate themselves after consuming it.
So why not put the food to better use?
Give it to someone who will enjoy it?
At least that's the way I see it.

You know me, always philanthropic...
Ha, what a lie.


three small pieces of chicken
three bites egg whites w/ shredded cheese
one slice turkey pastrami
one slize mozzarella cheese

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