Thursday, October 13, 2011


Calmer now.
Thank god.
My heart's no longer pounding, so I can think more rationally.
It was tough there for awhile- something about vomiting triggers the mind into wanting more food.
Which, in my book, is no bueno.

You have to act like the size you want to be.
I remember hearing that mentality, and it dawning on me...
Holy shit, I'm doing everything wrong.
It gets harder, when you plateau.

Nerves are high, and you're afraid of everything.
 Afraid you're too fat to ever be any thinner.
Afraid of yourself.
Afraid of food.
This is the eating disorder taking over.

Oh, but you can't let it win.


I'm going out for a sushi run with friends tomorrow.
Guess who won't be partaking?
Instead, I think I know how I'm going to spend my money.
I'll refrain from eating food all day, and then have one sugarfree non fat skinny Caramel Frappucino from Starbucks (about 60 calories).
Might not be ketosis, but it's still restriction-
e.g. Still weight loss.
It's up to me.
I can either eat zero carb tomorrow, or splurge on one Starbucks drink.
Decisions, decisions.

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