Saturday, October 8, 2011


Today, I have achieved a slight victory.
I'm at my lowest weight in two years.
It tastes sweet, but not sweet enough. 
Not yet.

I want it all.
I want thin.
And I won't stop, not until I have it.


There was a humongous blow out at my house last night.
Hurtful things were said.
Tempers flared.
And in the end, I burned.
I'm so tired of the fighting.
My family and I have fought over the same things, for the past six years.
Nothing's changed.
Same shit, different day.
It's so tiring.
My soul hurts.


Today was a field day thing at my school, which involved lots of walking/running.
I made the calculated decision of eating one kuckle width piece of banana, to prevent passing out. Which, according to my calculations, is about 2 grams carbs.
And then I had 1/2 cup almond milk this morning.
I almost puked while trying to eat this morning... I have no idea why.
My stomach was extremely sensitive.
My stomach finally feels empty, thanks to all those laxies.
I was quite pleased with the number on the scale this morning.


Here's where I have to make a decision. To refeed now, or to wait.
I have to execute this with utmost precision...
I think I'll decide on Wednesday.

Until then, I'm just going to sit here.
That sounds good.

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