Regress

Plateau

Today marks the first day I've purged in about a year.
Desperate times, call for desperate measures.
I'd had nothing but cheese and turkey all day, and then decided to have 2 buffalo wings.
They didn't have any bread on them, so I figured, eh, why not.
It's too bad, I flipped.
I couldn't handle it.
It started slowly.
What if the sauce had carbs in it?
My fear grew.
What if what I thought was skin was actually bread?

My slight fear soon became frantic panic, which soon led me face to face with the porcelain judge himself. Sprawled out in front of the toilet, I puked my guts out.
And it hurt.
It burned.
Vomit spewed from my nose and mouth, burning my sinuses and doing nothing to help the voices in my head.
You're fat.
My body heaves, complying with my minds wishes.
You'll never be thin if you keep eating like that.
My stomach contents are splashing into the water. I don't know what to feel.
You're stupid.
I wonder if I'm done yet- It seems there's no end to the stomach acid, which seems content to tear up my esophagus.

But it's done now.
Over.
I made my mistake, now I must live with it.
Hopefully, everything will be all fine and dandy and I'll have lost maybe a little bit of weight tomorrow.
If not, I'm stuck at this plateau for a little while longer.
There's always tomorrow, and tomorrow, I won't fuck up.
I'll think twice before I put any red-sauce slathered piece of lard near my mouth.

And I will be thin.
Objectively, my day wasn't that bad.
Sure, I may have kicked myself out of ketosis, but that can be readily fixed.
Either way, I'm still in a caloric defecit- which, at the end of the day, is all that really matters.

Now if only my throat would stop burning.